


Where'd all the good people go?

by Coloured_Rainbow



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Angst, Betty Crocker - Freeform, Canon Compliant, I'll tag as things come up, M/M, No Porn, Post-Season/Series 06, SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE!! SHOW!!!!!, but expect a mature rating in the future, there's gonna be a lot of that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coloured_Rainbow/pseuds/Coloured_Rainbow
Summary: Bojack raised a questioning brow. “...How did you even know when I got out?”“I asked the warden. I wanted to make sure to get your room ready!”“...My room?”“Yeah!" Mr. Peanutbutter laughed. "Because you live with me?”EDIT: My inspiration is VERY finicky when it comes to writing fanfic. I havent been super inspired to write Bojack stuff lately, so I'm honestly not sure if I'll come back to this. I want to, but life happens. If you get upset when authors don't finish things then please kindly don't read.
Relationships: BoJack Horseman/Mr. Peanutbutter
Comments: 39
Kudos: 176





	1. Long time, no see!!! (and by long time i mean several hours)

**Author's Note:**

> There's not like... any good chapter fics with this ship??? I was really sad to see so, so I'm hoping the content I put out can make other people who like this rarepair happy haha  
> I don't EXACTLY know where this is going...? I have a point A and point B, i kinda just need to figure out how to get there lsdkjfsdlkf I'm hoping this will be a bit longer, but we'll see. This chapter's a bit small, just kind of a tester to see how well people like it. Woooo  
> This isn't my NSFW account, so don't expect porn, but it might gain a mature rating at some point. We'll see....

“Bojack!!!” 

Bojack flinched at the sound of his name. 

“...Mr. Peanutbutter?” Bojack waited for the front gates to open before continuing. “What are you doing here?”

Mr. Peanutbutter laughed like that was the most absurd question he’d ever heard. “That’s the most absurd question I’ve ever heard! You didn’t think your best friend would be there when you finally got out of prison? How’s it feel to finally be a free man again? Tell me _everything!_ ” 

Bojack looked around as he stepped out onto the sidewalk, glancing behind his shoulder when the gate started to close. “Uh, I don’t really--”

“Aw, c’mere!” Unable to contain his excitement, Mr. Peanutbutter lunged forward and brought Bojack into a rib-shattering embrace. “I missed you, buddy!” 

“...How did you even know when I got out?” Bojack crinkled his nose at the feeling of his face being buried in a mound of fur. 

“I asked the warden. I wanted to make sure to get your room ready!” Bojack was already annoyed by the amount of exclamation marks this guy was using. 

...Wait-- “My room?”

“Yeah! Because you live with me?”

“Oh.” Bojack gently peeled himself away from Mr. Peanutbutter. “That’s still a thing? I kinda figured you would’ve filled your place out by now.”

“Yeah, no,” he laughed, but his smile came across more as a grimace. “Just as lonely as ever! The Peanutbutter manor remains as vacant as the day you left it. But I’ve come to terms with the depressing fact that I might never find love again! So all is well.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Bojack breathed. “That’s, uh… what about Todd?”

“Oh, Todd’s been really busy with his girlfriend! Since they moved in together and he’s been talking more with his parents… our capers have become very scarce.”

“What have you been doing?”

“Definitely not just waiting for you to get back!” Mr. Peanutbutter rested his fists on his hips, laughing a bit too loudly. “On a completely unrelated note, let’s head back! Your room awaits!” 

“Uhm…” Shuffling back and forth on his feet, Bojack found himself hesitant of this whole ordeal. He wasn’t sure if entering back into society at the side of Mr. Peanutbutter was the best thing for him right now. “Look, Mr. Peanutbutter, I don’t know if--”

“Oh,” he interrupted. “Unless… I guess you don’t want to?”

“Well, it’s just--”

“No no, I get it! I shouldn’t have assumed. We all know what that does!” He laughed, this time with a bit more genuine sadness in his tone. “It’s not like I’ve been waiting _everyday_ for you to get out just to have something familiar back in my life again to ground me from all of the Earth-shattering changes that have been happening all around me. Because that would be considered very sad and pathetic!”

Bojack let out a long sigh, hesitantly pausing. “Mr. Peanutbutter?”

He hated that Mr. Peanutbutter’s ears raising in hope made his gut turn a bit. “Yes, Bojack?”

Bojack shrugged lamely. “Could you drive me to the nearest hotel?” 

Mr. Peanutbutter’s ears slowly lowered, but he managed a small smile that poorly masked his disappointment. “Of course, buddy. What else are friends for?”


	2. Not too shabby...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming back wasn’t as dramatic as Bojack thought it would be.   
> Not that surprisingly, it turns out that celebrities getting a little jail time just isn’t that uncommon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented!! The response was a lot better than I thought it would be, and just on the first day as well!!! :0 I'm super glad people are liking the start of this.   
> I think I'll keep the chapters a little shorter to make it less intimidating for myself, but I'll try to update a few times a week. I want to actually work hard and finish this one >:) I'll keep at it!! Especially now when I have so much Bojack inspiration and I know where this story is headed.

Coming back wasn’t as dramatic as Bojack thought it would be. Not that surprisingly, it turns out that celebrities getting a little jail time just isn’t that uncommon. The world was mad at him while everything was hot and fresh, but a year later, everything was old news. He was already back to just being the horse from Horsin’ Around. 

He was five million dollars in the hole, but with the money he had left over plus what he made working in jail (who knew they let you hold a steady job in prison?), he was actually pretty well off. At least well off enough to be able to stay in a nice hotel until he figured out where he wanted to buy a house--because that’s what he should do, right? Buy a new house. Find out how to live this next chapter of his life. 

He figured getting a new agent and bouncing back into the acting game was the way to go, but the whole process of auditioning and doing paperwork and signing contracts sounded like the last thing on Earth that Bojack wanted to do. Maybe just staying at the hotel for a while and kicking back was the best thing for him right now. It’d only been a year, but he has so much to catch up on. 

Snapping him out of his thoughts, Bojack’s hand froze on it’s way to scoop a spoonful of cereal into his mouth at the sound of his phone ringing. He set aside the bowl and picked up his phone, reading the bright white letters: mr. peanutbutter.

Sighing, he figured it would probably cost him a visit from the guy if he ignored the call.

“Bo for Gojack.”

“Gojack? Oh shoot, I must’ve dialed the wrong number!”

“No, it’s--”

“Has anyone ever told you that you sound just like my good friend Bojack? It’s uncanny! I didn’t know that number-neighbors had so much in common!” 

“No, it’s me. Bojack.” 

“Bojack! What are you doing with Gojack?”

“It was a joke! Jesus.” Bojack let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s just me. No Gojack. Bad gag, I get it.” 

“Oh, hi Bojack!”

“Did you need something?” Bojack closed his eyes, gently massaging one of his temples. 

“I was just, uh… checking in!”

“...Checking in on what?”

“On you, silly!” Bojack lifted the phone a little further from his ear. Why does this guy always have to yell? “I just wanted to make sure you’re adjusting probably back into society! Has everything been alright?” 

“Uhm… yeah.” Bojack scratched the back of his head as he spoke. “Yeah, it’s going pretty well. Honestly, it’s like I never left. It’s nicer, that’s for sure. Cool hotel. Don’t have to worry so much about being shivved in my sleep.”

“That _is_ a major plus!” Mr. Peanutbutter chuckled. 

There was a small uncomfortable silence, which was strange to say the least. Nothing was ever quite completely silent with Mr. Peanutbutter around. 

“So uh,” Bojack cleared his throat. “Is that all?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go out to lunch or something. We still need to catch up, buddy!”

“I already told you, you visited me all the time.” Bojack rolled his eyes, although it did feel nice that someone was offering to hang out. “There’s not much to catch up on.”

“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun! We-We can go wherever you want.” 

“Is this really about me, or is it about you just wanting someone around?” Bojack snapped, out of habit more than anything. He didn’t know why the whole thing was frustrating him so much. 

“I just…” There was a pause. “I just wanted to hang out, Bojack.”

Great. Now he’s just being a jerk to a sad lonely labrador. It’s not his job to make him feel better though, right? He’s supposed to be cheering _himself_ up. 

…

Goddamnit.

“Alright, fine,” Bojack mumbled. “We’ll… go out or something. You’re lucky this cheap cereal isn’t filling. Come pick me up in like half an hour, I need to get dressed.”

“Oh boy, oh boy!!” Mr. Peanutbutter’s tone switched so quickly that Bojack might’ve thought he was faking it if it were anyone else. He knew better, though. That’s just how Mr. Peanutbutter was. “Can’t wait! I’ll see you soon!”

Bojack heard the line cut off before he could even think of replying. Man, that guy is excitable. Not even five seconds later and he was already regretting this. 

After a few minutes of procrastinating, Bojack figured he should get up and actually properly dress himself. Maybe it would be good for him to sit down at a restaurant and just talk to someone… even though Mr. Peanutbutter was hardly someone easy to talk to. The familiarity should be nice, if anything. 

He’d only been staying at this hotel for a week, but he made sure to stop and buy a few more shirts. He had thrown away almost everything he’d owned before. It was too hard to surround himself with all that stuff from before.

Well, that and most of it got thrown out without his consent when his house was sold.

After a few minutes of sifting through his purchases, he settled on a red sweater and dark grey jeans. He found himself self-consciously straightening out the wrinkles in his clothes and running his fingers through his hair to get the texture right.

He stepped back and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, a small smile settling on his face. 

He looked nice. 

When was the last time he actually thought he looked good? 

He was brought back to reality when he heard an excited knock at the front door, accompanied by a ‘Bojaaaaaack!!!!’

Taking in a deep breath, he nodded. 

The new chapter of his life was starting now. 

Maybe starting it with lunch wasn’t so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, if you wanna talk Bojack, come message me @angstflavoured on Tumblr! I'm always up for a chat :) (Plus, there's some Bojack art scattered there as well!)  
> I'm really looking forward to working on this, actually. That hasn't happened with a story for me in a long time :D


	3. Lunch time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan had been to go to the Silver Spoon Diner that Bojack used to regular, but it was currently vacant: the sign out front was torn down, leaving nothing but pale imprints of the letters that used to rest there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!  
> The feedback from this has been absolutely amazing! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. I'm so happy that people are liking this. It's a lot of pressure for sure tho, because I really want to make this story good....  
> This is definitely a longer chapter, so hopefully this suffices. I'll try my best to not let you guys down ;-;

“Oh, this is so bad!” Mr. Peanutbutter shouted, dramatically bringing his hands to rest on his head. “I can’t believe this!”

“What the...?”

The plan had been to go to the Silver Spoon Diner that Bojack used to regular, but it was currently vacant: the sign out front was torn down, leaving nothing but pale imprints of the letters that used to rest there; if you looked through the windows, you could see that the tables and chairs and booths had all been removed. 

Bojack walked up to the door, ripping off a piece of paper that was taped to it. 

__

COMING NEXT SUMMER  
Betty Crocker presents: ALL ABOUT THAT BETTY  
A new pastry-based restaurant!!  
For details, please visit allaboutthatbettypastryresaurantconstructionandmanufacturing.bettynetcorporationsanddevelopement.org

__

_  
_

“Pastry based--?” Bojack threw the paper over his shoulder. "Just call it a damn bakery.”

“Oh Bojack, I had no idea.” Mr. Peanutbutter slumped his shoulders and let out a sigh. “I guess they must’ve torn it down during your last few months.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Bojack took one last look over the place before turning back to Mr. Peanutbutter. “I always figured Betty Crocker would be this town's downfall."

"Betty…!" Mr. Peanutbutter vengefully shook his fist before crossing his arms in anger. "What are we supposed to do now?"

Bojack anxiously rubbed his arm, glancing off to the side. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I should probably--"

"No!" Bojack jumped at Mr. Peanutbutter's exclamation. "I mean. Come on, we can still find something. There's tons of stuff to do around town!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Bojack hissed out a quick breath. "Okay, okay. What about, uhhhh, Elifino?"

"Ehhhhhh, no can do." Mr. Peanutbutter nervously bounced on his heels as he spoke. "I sold that out a few months ago. Now it's being remodeled into an aquarium."

"I thought you loved that place."

"It was a bit too much to run alone… with Pickles and Joey Pogo gone, and PC all tied up in her marriage, there's no one around to do all of the boring stuff that I don't get. I prefer just making cover art on the menus."

"Okay, well--"

"How about we go back to my place!" Mr. Peanutbutter jumped in excitement. "I can make us some dinner--a homemade meal sounds good.” 

“Can you even cook?”

“Sure!”

“Hmm.” Bojack shrugged. “Fine. Yeah, okay. Your place it is.” 

The new chapter of his life was apparently off to a rocky start, but that wasn’t going to stop him from having lunch. With that mentality, he followed Mr. Peanutbutter to the car and they headed back to his house. 

Bojack hadn’t realized how many emotions it would drudge up just upon seeing the place. As they pulled into the driveway, he could feel the familiar crawl of anxiety make its painstaking way up his throat. His eyes trailed upward to land of the roof where he and Diane used to talk; where he yelled at her for messing up his book; where they made up and sat in a comfortable silence that only two good friends could share. 

“--and I said, Todd, you can’t take _two!_ ” Bojack tapped back into whatever Mr. Peanutbutter was rambling about just in time to appropriately nod. 

“Yeah. Pretty funny stuff.”

“Oh, by the way…” Mr. Peanutbutter paused as he pulled into the garage and turned off the car. “What were you thinking for lunch? It’s still up to you, since we didn’t get to go to the diner.”

“What do you have here?”

“Oh, I don’t keep groceries here anymore!”

Bojack furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Well, there’s no need! See--” Mr. Peanutbutter undid his seatbelt, facing his whole body towards Bojack. “On the new season of Birthday Dad--”

“Nice to know this world has _one_ undying constant…”

“--we got sponsored by this company that deals with drones! They help a lot with bringing in props we need on the fly, but also with snacks! They bring in baskets of fruit and Babybel’s, but recently they started these food packages. So as long as they keep sponsoring us and Birthday Dad is on the air, I get anything I need delivered right to my house!”

“Huh. What company did you say this was?”

“Yeah, it was--” Mr. Peanutbutter paused, letting out a frustrated shout. “They’re Betty Bots! By Betty Crocker!”

“Damn it, Betty,” Bojack hissed. 

“Damn it, indeed.” He solemnly shook his head. “Their baked goods are amazing and the service can’t be topped.”

Bojack sighed. “Well, uh…" At this point he just wanted to sit down and eat and get this over with, so he went with the first thing that came to mind: "How about spaghetti?"

\-------------------------------

Oh, it was so nice to have Bojack back! 

It’d been so long since Mr. Peanutbutter had a guest over--it was exciting! His house wasn’t exactly bustling with life, but one more person made the house seem a little less intimidating. It was a big, big place for one lonely dog. 

“I’ve sent in the order,” Mr. Peanutbutter drawled, smiling up at Bojack. “Should be here in just a few minutes. I’ll get some water boiling, and the plates and silverware…” He trailed off, rummaging through his cupboards for the right supplies. 

He never used to cook his own food. He always had a chef to make it for him or would eat out at really fancy places that offered him free meals if he just posted him having fun at their restaurant on Instagram. Sure, he could cook some bacon or scramble some eggs, but he never actually cooked a meal. Over the last year, however, he’s had a lot of alone time. Without a wife or a girlfriend to look after, he realized that he had a lot of time to himself--especially at night when he couldn’t sleep. Instead of being able to fill it with sexy times, he had to find other ways to pass the time: midnight snacking! That led to him watching many YouTube tutorials on how to cook and before he knew it, he was making salads and casseroles and brownies all from scratch. With help from the Betty Bots, of course. 

He was suddenly really grateful for the skills he picked up. This would have to be the best damn spaghetti Bojack had ever tasted. Maybe then he would stay. He’d gladly cook Bojack delicious home-made meals every day if it meant he’d stay; if it meant that the house would stay a little less empty. 

Just as the water started to boil and the pan on the stove came to a nice simmer, a small round drone flew in through a window that Mr. Peanutbutter had left open (he learned quickly that if he didn’t, windows would quickly end up broken. They were still perfecting the technology, hence Mr. Peanutbutter helping be their guinea pig!). It was egg-shaped with glowing purple eyes and a cute pink, white polka-dotted apron tied around it’s waist. 

“That was fast,” Bojack said, taking a seat at the counter across from Mr. Peanutbutter. 

“They have a station nearby.” Mr. Peanutbutter thought on that for a moment. “At least… I think so. Either that or it just kind of lives outside my house, but who can be sure?”

“Hello, M R . P E A N U T B U T T E R.” His name came out harsh and metallic when the Betty Bot greeted him, making Bojack nervously flinch. “Your ingredients have arrived!” It said in a much more pleasant voice. “It looks like tonight you’ll be having S P A G H E T T I. What a wonderful choice!” 

“Haha, you should really be thanking Bojack on that one!” Mr. Peanutbutter looked over at Bojack, who had a skeptical look on his face. “Oh, c’mon buddy, she’s nice!”

“It’s unnerving,” Bojack corrected. "You know, my life has been pretty normal over the last year. All I did was work and eat and sleep. Why is it after just one day of being with you, weird shit like this keeps happening?"

"It's not weird, it's the future!"

"Is this normal for you? Like, pink robots with aprons and clown dentists--or, dentist clowns?"

Mr. Peanutbutter shrugged. "Only because I want it to be!" He gently turned the Betty Bot around, opening a latch and reaching inside for the ingredients. "It's fun! Going on adventures and trying something new every day. Keeps the ol' brain on its toes."

"Doesn't it get… tiring?"

"What do you mean?'

"All your stupid capers and adventures or whatever." Bojack waved his hands as he spoke. "Like, Todd's gone, you're living alone, you definitely have enough money to retire. Isn't it tempting to… settle down? You are almost, what, 55? 60?"

Mr. Peanutbutter paused for a moment, but continued to open up the pasta and unwrap the sausage. "I… guess I've never really thought about it."

"Really? No offense, but you're getting pretty old to not have thought about it."

"Well, I can't exactly settle down without a wife," Mr. Peanutbutter scoffed. "So, that's out the window anyway." 

"Yeah you can," Bojack retorted. "Who ever said marriage was a requirement?"

"...Everyone?" Mr. Peanutbutter said like it was obvious. "I've been looking for that special someone my whole life, Bojack. That's--well, that's all everything's been leading up to. Living in a nice big house with a wife, growing old together… isn't that what life is all about?"

"You know, uh…" Bojack cleared his throat, seeming unsure about something. "It's not… I know it's not my place, but… maybe that's the problem. You ever think that you trying so quickly to find a woman to settle down with is why you--"

"Why I what, Bojack?" Mr. Peanutbutter spoke softly and hunched his shoulders as he stirred the pasta, suddenly feeling defensive. 

"Keep getting divorced." Bojack phrased it more like a question, obviously realizing this was dangerous territory.

"You know, you're right." Mr. Peanutbutter turned away, intently watching the circular motions of his spoon. "It isn't your place."

The next few minutes were dreadfully silent. Mr. Peanutbutter cooked up the rest of the food, refusing to look back at Bojack.

What does he mean, 'that's the problem?' That's just what you're supposed to do: find an attractive, successful woman and get married to her. Does he tend to latch onto the first person who gives him attention? Yes. Does he usually marry within the first year of knowing them? For sure. But that's not a problem. He's just a very loyal dog, that's all. 

What's he supposed to do, marry someone he's known for years and become good friends with? He's never even known a woman that long! No one worth marrying, anyway. Plus, almost everyone he's known longer than a few years is already committed to someone else--exactly like he should already be. He tried to get ahead of the game, but that's blown up almost every time.

He realised that he must be the reason all of his wives keep leaving after Pickles left, but he figured it was just because of his personality. That maybe he wasn't kind enough or understanding enough, didn't listen or give people space. He had to remarry eventually, though. He figured he'd take a few years off and find himself before getting back in the game, but he _would_ get back in the game. He'd start over, find someone new. 

He wouldn't have a chance with someone who already knew him.

\-------------------------------

"Thanks. For the food." Bojack scratched the back of his head as he opened the car door. The lunch definitely wasn't as chatty as it could've been, but they made it through and it was actually quite pleasant. "Guess you can cook after all."

"Anyone can do it, really," Mr. Peanutbutter shrugged. "Just, uh… know that you can come over any time, okay? The house isn't getting any emptier!"

The apology that had been threatening to leave Bojack's mouth for the past few hours finally died in his throat. Mr. Peanutbutter probably already realised what an idiot he'd been and doesn't want to talk about it. "Thanks. I'll…" he sighed. "I'll make sure to visit. I guess we can… keep in touch, or whatever." 

Mr. Peanutbutter tilted his head, smiling. "Really? I mean--of course! My door is always open." 

"Yeah." Bojack nodded, tightly gripping the door handle. "I'll text you later this week or something. I have a lot to catch up on since I left, so…" He discreetly rolled his eyes as Mr. Peanutbutter's ears slightly rose. "Bye." 

"Wait, uh--!" Bojack was already about to close the door behind him, but he leaned down and looked back inside at Mr. Peanutbutter's objection. "I was thinking about it before and got distracted, but I like the outfit! It's a nice change."

"Oh. Uh. Thanks." 

"Okay," Mr. Peanutbutter chuckled. "See ya later, Boj. I'll be waiting for that text!"

"Yeah. Bye." Bojack shut the door, watching him drive off. He cleared his throat and shook away a feeling that he wasn't entirely sure even was.

Walking back up to his room, he felt pretty good about the whole thing. Like it or not, it was nice to just hang out with someone. Mr. Peanutbutter wouldn't exactly be Bojack's first choice of a friend, but maybe it's just what Bojack needed. 

Next time would be better. Bojack would try to enjoy himself or whatever normal people do around buddies. 

On his way to his bed, he glanced in the mirror and passed himself a little smile. 

He'd also find another good outfit. The compliment felt really nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I made some concept art for the Betty Bots--!  
> [Tumblr Link](https://angstflavoured.tumblr.com/post/614147513736429568/im-having-too-much-fun-with-this-bojack)  
> [Insta Link](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-aoR8SgHu9/?igshid=fn4ygy3r0w9w)
> 
> This fic is definitely gonna be super fun for creating antics like this :^)) This is why I love the Bojack universe so much HAHA

**Author's Note:**

> btw, the title is from the song Good People by Jack Johnson. I think it fits the show pretty well. Definitely take a listen.  
> Let me know if you want me to continue!! If enough people like this, I'll make sure to prioritize it when it comes to writing.


End file.
